A prefacing reflection on my schooling

For the past few years I have been going through a shift in my pedagogical beliefs. I recall what my playtime during childhood was like when I pretended to be a teacher and what ‘being a teacher’ meant to me then. I think I was drawn to the organization and structure along with the fun and games that accompanied it. When I was ending my time in elementary school, I remember looking over the course selection booklet from my future high school and read about every course. I was so excited to learn new things, make new friends, organize my locker, rotate through different classes and teachers, and participate in all the fun social events that come with high school too. The need to move on to the next educational experience did not stop there. In grade ten I was already looking at universities that were far from my city so I could move away and get a taste of adulthood and independence. I cut out pages from Seventeen magazine or Teen Vogue about the top ten items you need to have in your dorm, or how to save money for college, and I would put them on my walls like posters. The thought of university excited me and gave me butterflies like the images of a dreamy teen idol that would typically be on teenager’s bedroom walls.  I wanted to have late night study sessions at the library and I wanted a tight-knit group of friends I could rely on. Ultimately I was seeking that idealistic university experience like the ones I saw in magazines and online.  There are many reasons that I could help analyze why I was so passionate about the thought of school, but I would rather examine what how this outlook has altered my view on schooling and education.

I had previously never examined and critiqued my schooling experiences until my final years of my undergrad. Why would I ever critique what I loved so much and what I thought was the best way to think and do? As I entered my last three years of my degree at Western University, I was introduced to many different perspectives and ways of doing and knowing in education. My first music education courses had the students critique where we came from and the positive and negative experiences we have had in education. I began to realize that not everyone had positive outlooks on school, and those who did were primarily successful in the system because of a teacher who challenged educational norms. Many of my music education professors made their students do things in class that I was not used to;

• We sat in a circle without desks or tables, and the teacher assumed a facilitator role and sat among us instead of standing at a board. We were also asked to not look at the teacher when talking, but make eye contact with the whole class. These all demonstrated that the teacher was no better or more powerful in our conversations, but we are learning with and from each other.

• We did not raise our hands to speak but spoke when we wanted to. This allowed us to have ownership of our words and not be silenced if we weren’t picked by the teacher. We also assumed the responsibility to ensure that everyone had a chance to speak if they would like. This meant that people had to decide amongst themselves who’s turn it is to speak if two people started speaking at the same time. Students could also respond to a comment when it was still relevant and led to a more natural conversation.

• We were discouraged from saying phrases like “I was going to say that” or “Just building off of that.” My professors would say “No, you weren’t going to say that exactly like they said it. Say it in your own words event if it’s just in agreement.” This stopped students from silencing themselves and thinking that they cannot contribute because they thought “the same thing.” We also discussed how saying phrases like “Just to build/add to that” are unnecessary. Your words are strong enough on their own without saying these types of phrases. We were taught to phrase our responses in a way that acknowledges and values what the other speaker said (“I totally agree”) and then say what you would like to say (“It makes me think about…”)

• When we would say things like ‘It’s beneficial to do x/I found y effective,” my professor would always say “Beneficial to whom? Effective at what?” Hearing this was the biggest catalyst into my exploration of culturally relevant and sustaining pedagogies. I had always considered my modern Western education beneficial for me and effective at making me a good musician, but I never asked whom was it not beneficial for, and what was it effective in doing or not doing?

It is pleasantly ironic that it was my own schooling in university that led forced me to critique the educational systems and institutions as well as my previous schooling. I dug deeper and researched more about educational philosophies. After reading Paulo Freire’s Pedagogy of the Oppressed, I knew I could not ignore what I was reading, Teachers in dominant Eurocentric models of education are taking part in a system and role that is inherently authoritative. I reflected then on why I chose education time and time again, and then become an educator myself. Did I want to become an oppressor or did I choose education to help the oppressed? I strongly believe the latter.

Take A Hike

During my third Guided Observation at Take A Hike, I was faced with many challenges and experienced situations that I had difficulty navigating. Take A Hike is an alternative program for students in grades ten to twelve who have not been successful in a regular public school. The program engages youth in full time mental health and emotional wellbeing program combined with outdoor education and academic courses. Before coming to Take A Hike, I took the overall academic and social ease I experienced in school for granted. Despite having struggled in my personal life a few times, it only had minor impacts on my success in school. I was able to handle my personal hardships because I had the tools that built up resiliency and positive relationships in my community. Being in Take A Hike showed me that I was very fortunate. All of these students had faced extreme hardships and may have had traumatic and adverse childhood experiences that led them to a more difficult path, especially with schooling.

On my first day at 9 am when class started, two out of the twenty students were present. By lunch time, six more students stumbled in. The teacher was not angered by this. Instead, she welcomed the students with a smile and said how happy she was that they were there. She also did not reprimand students for swearing or talking about substance use in class. She normalized this “negative” behaviour with the intention of letting the students feel free to express themselves without getting punished as they likely were at their previous school. This creates a safe and welcoming environment that the students feel they can be themselves. They only time the teacher intervened was if the words were said to hurt someone or the substance use was happening at school. She would often say “How can you rephrase that?” if a student was talking negatively about someone else or themselves. This approach was surprising to me as the teachers I have known in my life would have no tolerance for swearing in their class and send the kid to the principal’s office without hesitation. I feel that the teacher’s reasoning of normalizing behaviours is a good mentality to have. If a student is constantly asked why they are late before a hello, or their comments are invalidated by a teacher because there was one swear word in it, how does this make the student feel? These kids have probably been told many times by many people that they are a “bad kid” for what they do and say, but by normalizing these behaviours, the students start to form a different relationship with schooling and with teachers. They don’t see themselves as bad, but worthy of time and positive attention.

The teacher had me work with students one on one in their academic work. Most times I was just sitting beside a student as a motivator to stay in task and complete their work. As I got to know the kids and the way the classroom ran, I felt more comfortable helping students with their work. After lunch time one day I noticed that the majority of the students had red, squinty eyes and were staring off into space or falling asleep at their desks. I could immediately recognize that these kids were under the influence. I had no idea how to respond. I asked the teacher how she handles it and she responded by explaining that technically the policy is if students are in school under the influence, they are sent home. However, the teacher has to consider the message that sends and what the student’s home situation is like. For example, one student was high but he was moving from his childhood home that week and his parents are going through a divorce. His home is unstable and he is constantly fighting with his parents. Would it be wise to send him home? She did not think so, and I agreed. The teacher kept him in class to show him that he is loved and cared for, but he worked in a separate space so to not bother anyone. I began to see, especially with these kids, if teachers keep sending kids home they won’t want to come back. They will not feel welcome or appreciated.

Trauma Informed Lens

These experiences and interactions deeply impacted me in my view on how educators should be in relation to their students. During my GO2 in the Surrey School District, I was taught about Trauma Informed Practices and how teaching in an inner city school means there is a greater chance that these students have come from adverse backgrounds; these children could have fled war, they could live with an abusive family member, they might not have enough food to eat at home. Knowing the trauma that exists in the school and community forces many teachers to change their methods. Throughout my GO2 observations I paid close attention to how teachers incorporated social and emotional learning as well as trauma informed practices in their classrooms.

A secondary English teacher had a lot to share about her experience teaching in the inner city. At one point in her career she had to ask herself “How can I teach what a metaphor is if half the kids haven’t eat yet today or they only slept three hours last night?” Sometimes it’s easy for myself to assume that students are a blank slate, ready to come in and learn. I have to remember that every student that comes into my classroom will walk in with some sort of baggage and I have to honour and respect that. I hate the notion of ‘earning respect’ that teachers use, expecting that these students need to first respect their teacher and only then will the teacher reciprocate the respect. No respect given until respect is earned. It is disappointing to think about the teachers I witnessed who operate like this. I want to respect my students and show kindness especially in the most challenging times. As per my artifact of field notes down below, the administrators and teachers at multiple school seemed to be extremely conscious of educating through a the lens of trauma. Some notes I wrote down about teaching through a trauma informed lens were;

• Consequences don’t work - eg: Kids who come from traumatic home lives won’t respond well to calling the parent(s) as punishment

• Relational - Working in a trauma informed school is about building relationships as the priority over content and curriculum

• Kids seem like they’re “getting away,” but they’ve already ‘flipped their lid’ - referring to the amygdala

• North and south end - Meaning that trauma can happen in rich an poor areas

• Mindful breathing, anger management

• Behaviour is communication

Learning about these practices shifted my view on “behaviour management,” a daunting topic for novice teachers like myself. Many student teachers ask “How do we manage or control a class,” but knowing what I know now, I would like to challenge that question. If all behaviour is communication and consequences don’t matter to children from adverse backgrounds, perhaps we should ask “How do I understand a class?” This makes me think of the Indigenous practice of listening with your three ears (Archibald 2008). If teachers are unwilling to truly listen without expectations and preconceptions, they will never reach their students and build healthy relationships. After my experiences in the Surrey School District and Take A Hike, I realized that all these students want is a positive adult relationship. Grades and typical academic “success” come second. In my fourth reflection of the semester, I grappled with the ideas on student-teacher interactions that did not seem morally right to me;

Upon reflection I can understand that inner-city teachers feel like they are at their limits, but I’m wondering why some continue to use this strict, borderline bullying approach on kids who this does not work on? We talked about SEL and trauma informed practices, yet as an outsider, I notice some teachers do not realize that their classroom management is causing more problems rather than fixing them. I think these older teachers might not know about trauma informed practices or are too stressed to put in the effort to these kids. It makes me sad for these kids who have bad home situations and then get yelled at in school as well. It makes me worried that when I’m an “old teacher” I might be doing things in an ineffective way for my students. I only hope that these negative experiences force me to keep an open mind and a willingness to learn throughout my career. (Reflection 4, October 29, 2019)

When I see a teacher kick a student out of class for being disruptive, making threats, and speaking in a harsh way, I have to ask myself who are these methods effective for? Who is it benefitting? What is the goal and why is that the goal? As I talked with family and friends about what I have seen in my observations, one surprising response was given along the lines of; ‘Older teachers who take on a dictator-like persona just don’t know that other methods could help them and their class. These teachers either genuinely believe that they are doing the right thing or are choosing an easy and lazy route. They are old fashioned and not as informed on newer practices and lenses.’ I sadly accepted with this for a while. It was not until writing this that I stopped and thought “Would this be an acceptable excuse for doctors?” What if a doctor performed a surgery with outdated tools and procedures, or told a patient it was okay to drink alcohol while pregnant? Would we say “Oh, that’s just them being stuck in their old ways. They haven’t been exposed to the new research and learned.” No. Their medical license would be revoked! Why do we not hold teachers to the same standard? Teachers see their students more than the students own parents sometimes. Teachers are the biggest influence in a child’s life. I strongly believe that teachers should not make excuses for their harmful teaching practices. Teachers need to be open to listen with their three ears; the two on either side of their head and the one in their heart.

References

Archibald, J./Q’um Q’um Xiiem. (2008) Indigenous Storywork: Educating the Heart, Mind, Body, and Spirit. UBC Press. https://www.ubcpress.ca/asset/9270/1/9780774814010.pdf